Road crazy!
by Fallen Crystal Moon
Summary: One-shot! 3 rules to not do on the road. 1, don't drink and drive. 2, Don't out race cops. 3, NEVA LET MARIK DRIVE!


**Me: Ok, if your wondering. This was an OLD idea I had LONG ago! I was just to lazy to write it.**

**Malik: Oh, I believe that!**

**Me: T_T**

**Ryou: =giggles=**

**Ayume: =sighs= Not again. Malik, do the disclaimer so Raven doesn't kill you.**

**Malik: Yeah, whatever! Raven doesn't own nothing! Zero! Blank! None! So no asky already!...AHHH! I'm sounding like her!**

**Ryou: XD Please enjoy!**

* * *

What a nice day. The sun is out, the birds are singing, and a psycho yami driving like a maniac down the speed way! Yup, it was another Saturday morning.

"Damn it, Marik! Slow down before you kill us!" The Thief yelled gripping the sit so tight his knuckles turned white.

Marik laughed not slowing down like the thief requested. His eyes held a playful amusement. "Aw, what? Is the kitty scared of a little drive?" He teased puckering his lips at the yami sitting in the passenger seat.

"Look at the road, Baka!" Bakura growled, he was so tempting to punch him right then but his gut was telling him if he let go of the seat he would go flying out the window.

The Keeper laughed as he went back gazing at the road. One hand on the steering wheel while the other grabbing chips from the bag between his legs. "Oh, Come on. It's not like I'm a bad driver."

"Your driving 40 miles over the speed limit!"

Marik tsked munching on the potato chips. "But no one else is on the road. So it's ok."

"Still!" Bakura sighed letting go of the seat for a minute to run his hand through his white wild hair as an act to calm himself down. "Ra, why did I let you drive?"

"Cause he said he would tell your dark little secret to the pharaoh." Bakura blinked and turned in his seat to find which one spoke.

Bakura huffed glaring at the grinning Egyptian. "And you think that is funny, how?"

Malik shrugged leaning back on his seat not really fazed from his yami's insane driving or Bakura's glaring. "Well, it's just funny how you fell for that. I mean, he doesn't even remember anything I say!"

"Nope!" Marik smirked, so proud of himself. He wasn't really listening to them anyways.

Malik and Bakura sighed from the Keeper's stupid behavior till they heard someone whimpering. They both glanced at the pale hikari who was so scared right now he grabbed hold of anything that was nailed down.

Bakura snickered. "Wow, and I thought you hated _my _driving."

Ryou shook his head, his brown eyes as wide as dinner plates. "At least you don't drive off the road when you drop your beer bottle under the seat!"

"Hey, it still had some in it!" Marik snapped back. The said beer bottle on his dash board rolling around with the movements of his driving.

Malik blinked staring at his yami. "Your drinking _and_ driving? Ain't that like, oh I don't know, Dangerous!" Malik shouted finally gripping his door handle.

Marik just shrugged popping another chip in his mouth. "So what," He stated talking through his chewing. "It's not like someone can see me."

"Police will!" Ryou scooted back whimpering when Marik made a sharp turn around the bend. His seatbelt broke loose sending Ryou to the other side crashing into Malik. Both teens squeaked trying to untangle themselves from each others limps.

Bakura growled under his breath when he saw what was happing in the rearview mirror. "Great, look what you did Marik!" He motioned the yami to the mirror. "Now you got our hikari's cheating on us, _behind _our backs!"

Marik just laughed forgetting all about the wheel. "That's to funny!"

"Marik the road!"

"I know, I know, Fluffy!" Marik groaned, his happy moment died to soon.

Sighing, Bakura leaned back listening to Ryou apologizing to the Keeper's hikari over and over again. He smirked, his light is such an angel.

"Malik I'm so sorry!"

Malik smiled waving his hands in front of him. "Like I said; it's all good, Ry."

"But-" He was cut short when he heard something in the distance. "hey, you guys hear that?"

"You mean Marik stuffing his mouth? Then you're a little late, young one." Bakura dodged the upcoming punch and laughed at the face Marik was making.

Marik huffed using his knees to turned the wheel while he used both hands to open up another bag of chips. "Oh, ha ha, you make me laugh, Fluffy."

"Don't call me Fluffy!"

Malik shook his head slapping his hand on his forehead. "Man, I swear one of these day's they're going to kill me somehow."

Ryou giggled. "You and me bo-" He was cut off when he heard it again. That's when it hit him. Ryou jumped up turning to the back window and gasped. "Marik, you got a cop car following you!"

"I do?" Marik shouted sticking his head out the window. "Crap, it's the cops! Quick Fluffy, Throw the kid at them!"

"I'm not throwing any of our lights, baka!" Bakura nearly strangled the yami but was interrupted from his hikari's yelling.

"He's yelling at you Marik to pull over!"

"Like Hell I will!" Marik slammed down on the gas peddle speeding the car up. The cop's car not so far behind.

Malik jumped out of his seat looking out the back window with Ryou. "Yami, Stop the car!"

Marik pouted. "Ok, fine!" He slammed on the brake peddle coming to a compete stop and making all three of the other teen's crash into either the front window or the back of the front seats.

Bakura glared at the yami then screamed at him seeing the other car coming up at them fast. "Drive, Drive, Drive!"

"Then make up your bloody mind!" Marik again was driving miles over the speed limit down the road. Nearly almost got hit from the Cop car.

Malik waved his hands in the air. "We're going to die! Good-bye cruel world! And Ryou!"

Ryou started to cry hugging his knees. "I'm to young to die!"

"Your not going to die, Baka's!" Marik snapped turning down another road trying his best to lose the car. Well, it was harder said then done when his car was the only one on the road!

"_Pull over or I will have to shoot your tires out!_" The cop's threat was heard over the speakers that were on his car.

Marik stuck his head out the window again waving his fist at the man. "You'll never get me alive!" He was pulled back in harshly from the thief.

Bakura glared at him pointing out the back window. "What are you trying to do? Get us all in jail?"

"Well, that's better then the My little Pony fair your hikari took us to last year!"

"Don't get my hikari into this!"

"To late!"

"Um guys?…Who's watching the road?" Both yami's stared down Malik then at the front window. Both mouths shot open from the light pole coming into view.

"CRAP!" Both of them screamed while both pair of hands grabbed hold of the wild steering wheel turning it away from the upcoming disaster.

Ryou screamed while Malik began praying for Ryou and him to live so they can beat the hell out of his yami later.

"_Pull over now!_"

Bakura groaned. "Now you done it!" He shouted kicking the dash board. "We're going to either go to jail or to hell!"

"Why hell?"

"Cause your driving us there!"

Marik growled looking away from the road and outside his window. He needs a plan. He glanced at the gas meter and gulped. Yup, he needs a plan and quick!

"Marik!" Ryou screamed out, he was beginning to cry. "Marik, pull over! I don't want to end up in the hospital!"

The yami perked up smirking devilishly. He had a plan. Maybe the best plan he ever thought of that's not from Bakura's help.

Marik turned around in his seat going into the bag under the backseat. Bakura gasped leaning over the seat to the steering wheel. If the car doesn't kill Marik, HE WILL!

"Let's see." Marik dug into the bag. He picked up a shirt but tsked throwing it to the trunk. He did this for couple more clothing's till he finally found what one he needed. "Bingo!" He smirked leaning back unnoticing on Bakura's fingers and holding up a long no-sleeved, dark blue dress.

"All you wanted was a dress? Great Ra Marik, Get off my fingers and get back to driving!"

Marik smirked didn't faze as he lean foreword in front of Ryou's face. "Now, Are you ready to play dress up?" Ryou shook his head, his tears running freely down his face. Marik shook his own head. "Wrong answer!" He jumped into the back seat wrestling with Ryou.

"Help!"

"Shut up, and put on the dress!"

"Marik, get off my hikari!"

"Yami, your making Ryou cry!"

After some screaming and laughing later, Marik pulled away smirking at his plan coming in tow. Ryou pouted in the dark dress the yami forced on him. His hair was now messing and he swore Marik through his jeans and shirt into the trunk leaving him nothing but his boxers under the dress.

Ryou looked at him in teary eyes. "Why am I wearing a dress?" He coughed out. Marik was heavy!

Marik just shushed him as he jumped back to the front. Bakura grunted as he pulled away so the Keeper can go back to the driver seat.

Bakura glanced at his hikari and nearly fainted. (He looked to cute) "Why is my hikari in a dress?"

"It's all in the plan, my dear thief!" Marik stated holding a finger in the air all professional like. With that finger he pointed to the pouting teen. "Now, lay your head on Malik's lay! Oh," He perked up. He wanted to tease Bakura right now. "AND…be all sweaty and breathless like your in the middle of an orgasm!"

"WHAT?" Malik and Bakura shouted!

Marik smirked. Yup, teasing the thief is fun! "Like I said! Ryou, lay on his lap now!"

Ryou blushed and nodded doing what he instructed. Malik scooted back when Ryou neared him. When the white head made contact to his lap Malik eeped blushing madly.

"A-are you sure this is part of the plan?" Malik spoke out, his voice shaking from the weight on his lower half.

Marik nodded in the mirror. "Yup!" He simply stated in a happy tone. "Now Ryou, let your acting go to the test."

Ryou blushed darken as he began to breath harshly. It was low and quiet at first but started to grow louder and louder as the seconds ticked by. His breaths tickled Malik's bare stomach sending shivers down his spine.

"Marik, you better have a good explanation for why my light is doing that in _your _light's lap!"

"Oh, there is my-…Kuso!" Marik shouted. He panicked searching the front seat till he sighed and reached for the cushion that was barley seen from under the seat. "perfect!" He tossed it in the back landing it on the acting teen. "Put that under the dress over your stomach, and keep up your breathing!"

Ryou stared at it cautiously. "Why?"

Marik growled slowing the car down when the cop was pointing a gun at them. "Just do it!"

Ryou jumped stuffing the object up the dress and laying back down, much to Malik displeasure.

Bakura crossed his arms scowling at the fact he can hear his hikari making those noises without _him _doing them. When he felt the car slowing to a stop and gilding to the side of the road he blinked. _What is he planning?_

When the car stopped Marik waiting patently for the cop car to pull over. When it has, the man stepped out, he held a dark glare at the Keeper who was trying his best to look nervous and flustered.

The man walked up the driver side, a note book in hand. "Now, what in the hell were you doing not following any of my instructions, and swerving everywhere on the road doing 40 miles over the speed limit?"

"I'm so sorry officer," Marik sounded hurt and torn. "but you see, I couldn't hear your siren cause this man's sister is about to have her baby." He pointed at Bakura then at Ryou who was nearly screaming.

_WHAT? _All three teens screamed in their minds. _This was his plan?_

The officer glanced at the back and his glare soften. "She's in labor?" He pouted looking all heat broken from the hikari's face of pain.

_He's falling for it?_

Marik pulled a puppy pout at the cop. "Yes, right in the middle of my dear brother's speech for the deaf people." In his mind, he was smirking like a mad man. "And this is their fist child together since he came back from the war. Me and Fluffy here, get to be uncles for the first time, too! And we have to get to the hospital real quick!"

"Oh No, poor things." He straighten up throwing the note pad in his jacket's pocket. "Then let me be your escort to the hospital!"

The Keeper smiled so innocent like it would make Seto look like a cute puppy. "Oh thank you officer!" He glanced at Ryou who screamed so loud Malik thought he was really hurting.

"Ry, hold on! It'll be ok." He cried out hugging the teen. Ryou blushed madly under the embraced but kept up his breathing and panting for to scared of what Marik would do if he ruined the plan.

After watching the show the cop coughed pointing to his car. "Wait for me to get in front and then you'll follow. There's a hospital not to far from here." When Marik nodded the man ran back to his car and drove out.

Marik followed suit driving right behind the cop car. He smirked at the two _Perfect _couple in the back. "Good job you two! And Malik, nice job on the hugging! I swear I thought it was real for a sec." He laughed and mocked the officer for being so gullible.

Bakura growled under his breath. "You got lucky, Keeper. No way that could of worked."

"Well, then Lady luck loves me!" He smirked at the thief. Man, was he mad at him. "Oh, you guys can stop acting now."

Both Ryou and Malik jumped away from each other. Their faces dark red and were keeping eye contact away from the other.

Malik blinked for a moment as a thought came to mind. "Hey Marik!"

"Yeah, my little actor?"

"What's your plan when they take us to the hospital for a boy to give birth to a cushion?"

"…I'm working on it!"

* * *

**Malik: =still blushing=**

**Ayume: Ooh, is someone getting all blushy blushy? X3**

**Malik: O_O N-no!**

**Ryou: =still wearing the dress=...Can I take this off now?**

**Me: NEVA! Plus, Marik has the car and you got no other clothes so...**

**Ryou: O/./O Neva mind.**

**Ayume: Hahaha! I love making fun of everyone!**

**Me: Hahaha, same here! Please review if you likely it! X3**

**Malik and Ryou: =pouting= She's madder then the mad hatter.**


End file.
